Not every debt can be paid.

Now that I  am in my new life.  I find that I am slowly becoming accustom to the "status quo"

I grew up poor and to be honest besides the weight gain .. I really don't have problems with eating ramen everyday.

I got a call from Grimm today.  Evidently I owe the city of Lacey money for last year Oct and Nov water bill and they want to add an extra 144$ do to the tardiness.  TBH I am even getting use to being in debt.  It may take me 7 years to get thru all this debt ... but that is not really that important either.

Fiscal debt is simple.  But a debt owed on one's soul is completely different.  For those debt I dont know if they can ever be paid.

I can thank the best years of my life to my X.  She provided me with acceptance, a family (in more ways than one) and direction in which to grow.  That is a hard debt to pay back.

But even harder.  When I met this woman; I also introduced her to my father.  he was grumpy, miserable, and a mental wreck when he came back to WA.  With her caring she took carcass of a man and made him renewed.  She accepted him for all his faults and without any knowledge to his life indiscretions she accepted him for who he was at that time and loved him.

I hold my X responsible for bringing him back.  I was unable to talk with this man when he first came back to WA.  But after years with my X he changed (slowly) and I began to have a relationship with my father.  With out my X it would have never been.

I owe my X so many things but one debt that I can never repay is that she with empathy and compassion help recover that old man's life; change it and redirect it in a better direction and with her love and kindness she started a rebirth in him.

When he died it was his time.  he was old and lived way farther than anyone ever expected of him.  his death was inevitable (like my own) but the last months of his life ... although ill .. he knew he was loved and a part of a family.

If he was alive today I know he would have been proud of her.  Not because she is a financial success or that she excels in sales and marketing but rather because she excels in tenderness and is instead of financial success .... she is successful in building relationships.

When my father passed I was worried that there would be no one at his funeral.  I have no such fear for my ex.  She will have hundreds if not thousands who have been changed by her.

I am not sure if every debt can ever be repaid.  I am not ever sure if trying to repay it might someone how weaken it diminish it.

I just hope that maybe one day .. my Sons can meet a lady who is as giving as she was .. and maybe thru her actions my funeral wont be empty either.