So what nothing makes you embarassed?

I don't think I shall be telling people in the future about being aspie.  They always have some dumb misconception and ask me about it.  Also since I may be the only one I know evidently I think and speak for the entire population with this disease.  I guess I know how the only black male feels at an all white school.

So someone asked me on a chat site what was one of the most embarrassing things that I have not admitted.

This is something I never directly discussed with my life.  And all in all I think it had a huge affect on why that relationship did not succeed.  As much as people keep telling me she was the perfect match to me .. there was one area we never got close to working on.

Aside from church and meals we never prayed together.  I know she tells people all the time she will pray for them and I know that she prays by herself when alone but she was never a rigorously regulated prayer.  I used to pray every morning.  it was often to short and it was very un-personal.  I could have done better and should have done better.

Now all the good and bad things that one might say about my previous relationship with Monica; we did pray together.  We discussed theology alot.  She had many different views from me but she was very curious into discussing it and how belief and faith play a larger role in the world we live in.

For me and Mindy is was much more bland.  We never explored our religious side and that was in part a huge part my fault.  I really think that had we invested more time on this I could have made faster progress. I don't know if it was just Monica's praying at night that lead us into it .. or if it was my praying in the morning that kept me from bringing it up with Mindy .. but Mindy and I rarely saw morning at the same time.  Even to this day I wake up at 4 am and she is more like 7:25.

I used to think that marriage was something special something that God laid his hand upon.  I think he looked the other way from my marriage. I regret never having the kids baptized.I regret almost everything about those kids.  They deserved a much better father than Robert or I could provide.

And now they are in counseling.  Because I have failed them.

I need to somehow get this train back on track.  This is what I am ebarassed about.