Nightmares ...

So on Christmas I worked .... from 7 PM on the 24th till 7 AM on the 25th.  Christmas was a pretty sad day I guess.

But I woke up with such a huge outpouring of emotion (not the norm for me)

In my dream I was walking in Yaeger park taking pictures of the recent snow fall.  I saw Melinda and the Kids walking to me and She didnt notice me.  And as they got real close she turns and lookos up at me and says "oops."

I looked at my boys who looked up at me and looked so happy and wanted me to say something ... and I looked at her and said why are you doing this .. its illegal for me to seem them.

And then out of nowhere it seemed liked I missed them so much that all this energy build up in my lungs .. and I couldn't breathe and as I gasped for breathe I woke up with a huge amount of moisture pouring from my face and all down my pillow.

I dont normally cry in such a manner but when I woke I could not see do to the tears.  I wiped my face and looked around my surrounding realizing it was a dream I got a drink of water .. changed shirts and went back to bed.

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I have been troubled some time from nightmares.  I believe it to be my subconscious mind trying to sort things out.

There are a few common themes in my Dreams.

My X Mother in Law is in trouble and I cant help her.  (last week it was a bear attack)

My Children (who I am restrained from seeing because I am sad) are lost or hurt and I can do nothing to help them.

And the other is slightly more calm.  its about Robert.  I have always trusted him and thought of him as a friend .. but as we talk about nothing in particular he decides to get up walk behind me or beside me and stab me in the back or start to kill me in some sort of violent way.

The last one re occurs with more and more frequency but its strange that it always seems to be something new and inventive on how is harms me.


I desperately need to leave this town.

Olympia Washington has a lot of great things but I cant stay here with Robert and Melinda in it.