I am not sure why I am here.  I am unclear how I have even got this far.

I guess it started 17 years when I fell in love with a girl I should have never have.  Or it started this year when My Wife Divorced me.

I cant tell you when specifically but I can tell you I was a bad Husband and a Friend.  I dont know if I write this for therapy or if I write this for records for when I am dead.

Today  .. the world was suppose to end.  We were all suppose to die.  I was kinda looking forward to it .. because at my core I am a coward; a man who has nothing to live for; a man who wants to die .... but a man who does not possess enough strength to kill his own self.

I guess I was hoping the Mayans would take care of it for me.