I am not my father.

I am not my father,

at least that is what I tell myself. Yet when my mother and X are upset they always make mention that I am just like him.

I love my kids. I pay over 50% of my income to them.  I would spend everyday with them if it was legal.  I called in sick today because I was too emotional. I found a video of my youngest from almost 1 year ago.

I would live on the street and eat ramen for the rest of my life if I knew that it would provide for my children.

People at work ask why I don't just stand up for myself. .... but when I am gone there will be no one who said that I did not give everything for my kids.  I stay at this dead end job so I can make enough money for them to survive.

My X has all the assets of our 14 year relationship.  I have nothing of that marriage except the memories that trouble me every night.  But what people don't understand ... money has never been important, possession or items have never been important.  It has always been about family.  And although I have no family and have been divorced from mine .. I still hold it as the most important thing to me.  And I can not do anything that takes away from their fiscal well being.

So it looks like the fed employees will be loosing 20% of wages.  I will not be seeking a change in child support.  I can always find a cheaper place to live.  I can live without a cell phone.

I will live in a box just to show everyone ...  I am not my father.