not sure how or why I didnt recognize her. Not sure how it ended up happening .. but I ran into them. I was simply walking down a grocery isle and boom.
I didnt want to be arrested so I turned and walked away. Without saying a word.
But to my glorious surprise I was tackled by the youngest and fell to the ground. And the oldest jumped on top of the pile just like it was two years ago and this had all never happened.
And my heart stopped and my eyes swelled up and my throat closed off. I looked up at my eldest and he said are you ok?
And I was so elated I could not even begin to speak so I shook my head yes. I have no recall of ever having been this happy ... and he smiled at me.
I was so excited I could not find the words and when I went to speak them nothing came out. I was so smothered in this feeling I was unable to breathe. And as I lay there gasping for air ... happy and my body physically recoiling to the emotion I felt ...
I awoke. It was just another reaction to the lack of O2 provided by my sleep apnea. My pillow case lay wet from my tears. I have no idea how long I was crying or how long I was gasping for air ... but now I am awake and ....
Well I guess I got my wish. I remembered a dream. I am not sure if it is best to remember our dreams. But at least I can say in the last 12 months there is one time when i was happy. Even if it was for a brief moment in time as my eyes moved back in forth thru REM sleep. So I count it as happy. It doesn't matter how brief it was or in what stage of consciousness it existed. it doesn't even matter if it did not happen ... but for me at the brief point in time .. it was real and I could feel and smell my children.
.... and be happy. isnt that what we all want?
No comments:
Post a Comment