8 weeks till the end.

Today was my first appointment with gov't assigned group who is going to evaluate me for domestic violence.

I am not sure if I was to honest; but I don't feel like lying is going to go anywhere.

The counselor told me that I have a history of abuse on my X wife and children.

This person is completely independent of anyone I know.  She knows no details what I tell her; if she arrives at this conclusion I must put heavy weight upon it.

Certain things that I can recall in my past relationships were not without abuse.

I created certain rules that my house had to live by.  I forced people to live with my rudeness and sarcasm.  I knowingly married a woman I knew was overly emotional and over ten years starved her of the deep passionate love she would need  to flourish.

I created rules like no talking after 9 pm.  No talking when I am backing up in the vehicle.

I also made others prescribe to my views on Aural Rape.  In Washington state Aural Rape is not a crime.  There is no self defense for someone saying hate filled comments.

The choice I should have made at every instance my Ex said hateful comments was to ignore them and treat her back with kindness.  To do anything less is not what God wants for us.  To do anything less is pure selfishness because I choose my happiness over someone else.

At the root of my mental disability is a honesty and wit that cuts Neruo-Typicals deep.  If I smell a bad smell I can not hide it.  If I see something displeasing I can not hide.  When someone says something that I can not agree with or is so logically flawed .. I can not ignore it.

I am critical by nature.  I do not say things intentional that wound or that are sharp but it is not by words that we are judged it is by actions.

My actions in my marriage of 10+ years did not show love.  My obsessions told her that I had other priorities.

On average I would spend:

49 hours a week sleeping
40 hours a week working
20 hours a week at BJJ
20 hours a week online
10 hours a week driving
7 hours a week eating
3 hours a week in the shower
and the rest was devoted to my wife and family.

8 weeks from now this physiologist will be done evaluating me.  Im Aspie; depressed; suicidal, and obsessed.  I can not see a favorable outcome with this judge.  I do not know if I will ever see my children again.

This makes me sad.