Today I underwent number 3 of 4 polygraphs ordered by my domestic violence treatment "therapist". I am not sure what to think about the "science" behind these tests. The first one I thought I did great. But it turned out inconclusive. the second one I was worried but it turned out negative. Last night I took a test and it came back positive and told me I was lying.
One of the least things I like in this world is being told I am something I am not. To go up and talk about the worst characteristics about yourself for 3 hours and then to take a test that you know will be share with a dozen or more people is a humbling experience.
But what is worse is when I try to do a good job; when I tell the truth and I am return told that it is a lie.
I am honestly working and trying to become a better person with this domestic violence treatment. I am going along with the sexual addiction treatment and have tried to make positive changes in my life on how I see other people. I complied time and time again with the treatment regulation regarding my history of depression and suicidal ideation.
And now when I am trying to leave my past behind me they are accusing me of stalking my ex wife. There proof????? .. I had received mail to her on some bills to my address and I had returned them to her via her husbands work.
If someone tells me my ex no longer works at Armada ... that is not stalking.
If someone send me a picture of my Son doing a BJJ tournament ... that is not stalking.
If someone tells my kids that I love them ... that is not stalking.
However; my domestic violence treatment provider has made it his personal goal to fix any and every problem that i have ever had in my entire life. What a great guy.
My problem is a little more severe than this. I have researched a little and have found no information of people who have done polygraphs on an individual who is ASD and has anxiety issues. They did the test on me four times last night and had to redo it a fifth time because the instrument" is malfunctioning. All just to prove that I had lied on one of the questions.
I have struggled with the issue of lying and telling the truth for some time. My lawyer, my therapist, my friends and the people in the treatment with me all tell me I should have lied about all these things. But after telling the truth for months ... the final result is that even when I tell the truth it is not good enough I am still a liar.
There is no truth in the courts, there is no justice for the poor. this is the American way.
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