I just want a break

Sometimes I feel I have the worse luck.  With all that has happned over the last two years I thought I had finally seen the light.  Many of the terrible dreams I have about missing my children are gone and most of my treatment is completed.

I really want to put this past me and start on with my life.

I found out yesterday I was yet again accused of stalking my Ex Wife.  Evidently I went to a parade with 10,000 others and alhought i was there since 9 am when she say me later on in the after noon somehow I was following her.

I just dont get it.  How am I suppose to know exatly where my X wife goes so I can avoid it?

When I found out that the children were not allowed to see their grandparents becasue of this I felt a huge lump in my gut.

I just want a break.

Still alive

I am still alive, Nothing witty or worth mentioning to say. I started this blog as a way to get thru depression and divorce, but since I have had a GF I find that I am less depressed. I am still divorced.

I would like to say that thing are getting better ...

I miss my kids. I hear they are alive from people. I hear their lives are completly different with all new people and all new perspectives. I hear they are happy without their father.

I am still not certain if they need their biological father.

I wonder if my desire for them is purely selfish.


I guess one day I may blog again. When I have something worthwhile to say that is not dismal and boring.

What she doesn't know

I have kind of shied away from posting lately.  Not because all is better but rather all is worse.

I have court in family court.  Mrs Owens has decided to add another year to her protection order.  That will make it 2.5 years without my kids.

I got home early on Friday.  Everything was ok.  But maybe 3 days by myself thinking is too much.  I say a video on youtube of a cute kid doing silly stuff and falling over.  It reminds me of my own.  I only own maybe 10 - 20 mins worth of video on my boys  total.

But I watch it every week.  I know she has no idea how much she is hurting me.  I am unsure of what she is afraid of.  I just want to see my kids again and be a part of their lives.

In court she states that she was worried that I might commit suicide.  I was medically cleared of that in February of 2013.  Now I am just sad.  I just miss my kids.  I don't want to hurt anyone.  I don't want to argue or even talk with anyone.  I just want to see my kids again.

I have no idea what they will think when (and if) I see the again.

I am sitting at home.  Alone.  There is no one for me to tell this to.  I hurt.  I miss my children.  Dearly.

Mrs. Owens was once my best friend in the entire world.  Its amazing how low she has went to keep me from our children.

maybe Ill be better tomorrow.  Maybe ill see them next year.  Who knows.  I am gonna go take a walk.